Art: I'm bringing it home before I put it out there

This blog post isn’t necessarily for you, but it’s absolutely necessary for me. But if it can help you, excellent. It’s here to be a reminder to me to maintain a resolve. And yes, resolve needs reminders. Don't let any self-deluded arrogant person or group tell you otherwise.

Last week the world of social media within the realm of the horror genre (primarily writers, publishers, editors, and artists) had reached such a point of visible chaos that all of the backstabbing, backbiting, screaming, excoriation, ax-grinding, and line-holding was rapidly moving me to the closest fire exit via a wall-hugging sidestep so as to minimize injuries to myself. I wish the irony and hyperbole of that previous sentence were laughable. I was ready to pack it in with a final, “screw this,” and find a way to eke out happiness in this life while keeping a day job and becoming a hermit regarding my creative pursuits. Better to keep them a secret than wait to be the next target borne of somebody’s offended ideologue, feelings, or self-anointed and -appointed managerial dictatorship. And I speak of everybody on every side of every political, philosophical, and religious worldview.

It was bad, and it sucked. I wanted to abandon any kind of public exchange regarding my art (and the words, “my art” include my artwork/illustration, acting, and writing). Witnessing people and groups repeatedly savage each other and eschew even the remotest forms of simple discussion was landing on me in a way that made me want to puke all over it. Awesome. And then I realized I was suffering yet again from what I’ve been guilty of in the past: acquiescence (and let’s be honest, most days you could call it cowardice); chasing stuff to please people or just simply hiding and somehow trying to marry it with my output. I’ve done it so many times, and every time it proves to be impossible and creates a fallout of self-loathing that takes months to recover from. To say I’m neurotic would be an understatement of the most grotesque form.

And then, mercifully, there was a sudden–and I now believe rightful–need to pull away, reevaluate, recharge, individuate, and (gasp) become selfish with my art. I immediately began to scribble notes on what I wanted to do; things that were gestating inside and ready to be born posthaste. My art needs to serve me first and work within the realm I want it to, and that’s not any cheap Randian sentiment or Libertarian chest-pound.

ART/ILLUSTRATION: I mainly want to illustrate with pens/markers and pen & ink (yes, there’s a difference) with occasional ink washing techniques. It’s my favorite art to engage in, so yes, I should be doing that. I can use that in conjunction with punching it up via PicMonkey and/or Adobe Express to use for exterior and interior art on my published writing.

WRITING: I love to write horror (specifically ghost stories; short fiction, novels, and poetry currently have equal appeal to me) and mysteries. Yes, I should be doing that.

PUBLISHING: Until the current hellscape of screaming writers, screaming publishers, screaming editors, screaming marketers, screaming screamers, and the random chaos factor of A.I. that’s only amplifying all of the screaming settles down, I’m doing ALL of those things. I have experience in all of those areas (ranging from capable to expert), so yes, I should be and will be doing that. Except A.I. A.I. can kiss my hands-on writing and illustrating ass. So in light of all this, until further notice, I’ll be publishing in my name only. And if I have to do that until I go into the ground, so be it.

ACTING: I currently only want to audition for theatres and groups that have rehearsals and performances geographically ideal for me within my orbit of home and day-job commuting. I’ve been “cautioned” by several in the theatre community to not hurt my acting/theatre prospects and “career” by limiting myself to particular groups, etc. Here’s the deal: If I am so spectacular I must be in your show or if the show is really one I want to be in, (1) show me the money and I’m in and/or (2) if it’s something I really wanna be in I’ll go after it (trust me on this). Otherwise, within my ideal orbit it stays.

WRITING GROUPS AND NATIONAL AFFILIATIONS: I’m actually going to step-up my participation in my Denver Horror Collective and Horror Writers Association realms as my current participation has been next to nil because of my stressed-out headspace and theatre rehearsal schedule. How can I change that, you ask? Because my new DIY and DIFY model will actually allow me to renew the headspace to “give back” and be more efficient in these realms. Trust me on this, as nobody knows my headspace like I do.

Readers of this blog, if the above helps you, awesome. But more than anything I desire that you craft an art-expression model/creative code of your own. Make it yours, and make it count.